


a benediction in the way i love you

by redledgers



Category: Marvel
Genre: Benedictions, Churches & Cathedrals, F/M, Home, Metaphors, Past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redledgers/pseuds/redledgers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He feels at home in this place, an old church from a sliver of a memory. And he is not alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a benediction in the way i love you

It’s been years since he stepped foot in this place.

The years do not show here; it has been cleaned and only slightly updated, yet still feels the same, still feels enough like home that he is able to relax his guard a little bit. No one here will recognize him, not since time has taken most of the people away from this space.

He brushes his fingers against the backs of the wooden pews as he wanders down the aisle slowly. At the altar, he stops, turns, and gazes back over the church. Soft footsteps approach, and he sinks down into the front row. The priest, once young and handsome in his prime, stills when he sees James. One person, he decides, will recognize him, but it will be in a ghostly manner, in disbelief that he has not aged.

\---

_She whispered in his ear, told him to run, and he did. But he was caught on his chain until he realized she was too, it was just a longer leash, and they would skulk back together to be punished. Home was only for those who could afford it._

_The first time he experienced home outside of Natasha was when he stepped into this place, hundreds of miles away, shrouded in mystery and sat in the very back. When she met him there, they made the decision to commit._

\---

He has no shame here anymore, does not hide his metal arm, but the priest seems to not care. Oddly, he smiles, almost reassuring, and he sits beside James. “Welcome back,” he says softly. James pretends that he feels a hand on left his shoulder and nods.

They sit in silence, companionship is all anyone wants, and James knows that it is lonely here, when the space is filled with memories. He remembers too, fifty years ago or maybe more. Time is an unsure measure for him, he prefers moments, memories he can be sure are real, and he knows that she shares this process. But for the priest, time unfolded as it should.

\---

_Between slipping the leash and losing each other, they find time to do it, and they frighten a young priest accidentally. They have no papers and no religion, but he sees desperation and he will help._

_That night they are together for the last time, in hurried movements and longing kisses. She clutches him tight, leaving mementos on his skin that the next day he will have no memory of receiving._

_She will have it beaten out of her, and will not remember it until she finds him again. And when she re-learns what she forgot, she will sit with him and cry._

\--- 

“Do you still have her?” the priest asks, but he does not know what he really asked. No one can have Natasha, she is not a thing to be owned and kept. But he means well, so James takes it for what it was meant—is she still alive, are you still with her, and how is it that you are ageless when you are not an angel.

So he nods, more curtly than he intended, and adds a soft “yes” afterward. 

“Are you good to each other?” If this were anyone else, he would recoil at the personal nature of the question, because no one needed to know his business, certainly not her business either. But again, this was a sacred place and so he felt safe.

His nod this time is softer, and he smiles a little.

The priest stands then and comes to stand in front of James. He kneels, a personal touch to what otherwise may seem like a benediction to a man who deserved nothing. James thinks he might actually be praying, but he lays his hand on James’s metal one, and meets his gaze.

\---

_There is a pureness about what they have done, what they did, and it is evident when they remember. And he will bring her back to the place, the place she said she loved him, the place he realized he would die for her, and they will sit in the back, out of the way, and they will be acknowledged from the front._

_And then after, Natasha will thank him, and thank James, and at home, she will say his name like a benediction. Because after all they lost, this is a constant, and this is a sort of home, a feeling of peace._


End file.
